April 4, 2012: +1.7 pounds, -36 pounds total
I have a problem. I have a food addiction. I love sweets. I can be trusted around anything with sugar in it. I need a sugar intervention. I love to bake, which in turn, makes me want to eat everything I bake. Basically, that means no baking. I think I need a sugar detox. Or to only eat savory foods, no sweets. I need help with my eating. I need to be better at tracking things in Lose It. I need to quit making excuses for myself.
This weight loss thing is hard. I knew that. I lost the motivation I had in the beginning. I'm at the weight I was during college. My clothes are fitting again. In turn, that makes me feel comfortable. But. I'm still incredibly unhappy with the way I look. So unhappy.
Like I said, I have a food addiction. I eat because I'm bored. I'm bored because I have a sad social life. I eat to numb the pain of feeling like I have no friends. I've been this way my whole life. I've eaten to numb the pain of something else going on. That has to be the most real and vulnerable thing I've said here. This is real life.
Reasons why I eat to fill the void of:
- feeling like I've lost all of my close friends.
- pushing away the friends that were once close to me.
- feeling like a failure when it comes to my career -- I know what I want to do with my life, but I can't do that without years of experience and no one will give me the experience I need. Feeling like a failure.
Reasons why I want to be as healthy as possible:
- To feel good about myself and be happy with myself.
- When Sean and I are ready to have a baby a few years from now, I want my body to be in tip top shape.
- To be happy. I know reaching my goal weight will not make instant happiness, but the journey of getting there and working my ass of (literally) is what will make me happy.
I'll be back to my bubbly self in the next blog post.